I don't know what you were expecting.
What I'm referring to is the fact I have wanted to write something for ages and haven't had anything interesting to talk about. So I am going to force something out. I am extremely drunk...I mean extremely. I'm not talking a few light beers and a shot. I have consumed an inordinate amount or rum. The Lanky Yank has passed out. She drank her fair share.
I'll spark a cigarette. I really should say fag. I am slowly conditioning myself to say cigarette to avoid any conflict. Americans don't know what the fuck I am talking about half the time. Which is strange considering they apparently speak the same language.
Anyway...
Do you ever find that whilst professing to be working class you blurt out spiel which is to the contrary?
We are all elitists in our own way. I truly believe my semi difficult upbringing(which I don't reveal unless asked by the way) has helped me become who I am today. I believe myself to be a very balanced individual with far more common sense than academic ability. I would love to be able to quote Shakespeare no matter how pretentious but I will take knowing what is going on most of the time and being able to handle most situations any day of the week.
I have experienced a plethora of emotions in my life. Most of which some of you will never deal with. Yet, somehow I still relish each day as it comes. I love living and have never thought about "ending it all" for a second. Let me give you an idea.
I was married at the age of 21. After a couple of years of marriage my then wife(no names) became severely ill. I had to quit a successful job, wanted to, so I could care for her full time. Sadly after a couple of years she passed away. As others broke around me, I thought to myself "fuck you" I'm not going to let anything discourage me from living a quality life. It almost sounds harsh. I grieved, of course I did. I didn't sleep for one second for the first month. I did all the clichéd things like watching videos and crying at pictures all night. No way would I would disrespect my then wife by crumbling and giving up. I could have quite easily turned to drink or drugs, I have before and came out fine on the other side.
All I am saying is. When you fail your exams or your boyfriend dumps you, is that truly the worst thing that could happen to you? Of course not, though if you're lucky enough it might be.
Please, just don't let things get to you on a level that is unnecessary, if you truly value this short life we have, don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself or seeking outside help from, I don't know...God.
It's bullshit, if you want to live a fulfilling life, grab every moment, every desire as hard as you can...and cherish it because tomorrow that bus may well hit you in the face.
